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It is one of life’s great mysteries. At least it is if you live in South Florida. You’re walking down the street, you see someone you don’t know – and you go, “Hmmm, I wonder …” Or you’re seated next to a couple at a restaurant and you look over and ask yourself, “Could they be …” The question you’re asking yourself, of course, basically is this: “Are they tourists? Or locals?” This is important stuff down here. Tourists must quickly decide if they’re getting directions to the Intracoastal Waterway from some guy who really lives in Fort Lauderdale. Or from some smart aleck dude just visiting here from Des Moines. Locals must quickly decide if they’re giving directions to the Intracoastal Waterway to some lost dude from Des Moines. Or to some smart aleck from Fort Lauderdale. You see the dilemma.
I was thinking about all this today because the obvious difference between tourists and locals only becomes apparent about this time of year. This isn’t an infallible system, but then what is? Still, there is a rational method for making judgments about this critical question. And in the giving spirit of the holiday season, I offer my observations to tourists and locals alike. Here is the secret: Just look at the way the person is dressed when the temperature dips below 75 degrees. That’s the giveaway. The clothes really do proclaim the man. Or woman.
When it’s below 75, locals bundle up in their light sweaters and heavy jeans. They wear boots and longsleeve shirts or blouses over t-shirts. If the thermometer plunges much below 69 degrees, they pull out those old turtlenecks and sport coats and leather jackets. To local residents, anything below 69 feels like an Arctic blast and offers them a good chance to enjoy the winter clothes at last. On the other hand, tourists wear shorts and bathing suits during these same times. They air out their white skin in those new sandals and tank tops and flowery shirts. To out-of-town visitors, anything above 50 degrees feels like tropical weather and offers them a good chance to enjoy the summer clothes again. And that is how you tell the tourists from the locals. One of life’s mysteries solved for you just like that, at no cost. Oh and one more tip: If they are wearing black socks with their sandals, they’re from Germany. Or some such place. Just don’t ask me how you can tell the tourists from the locals when the temperature is above 75 degrees. Darned if I can figure it out.
I was thinking about all this today because the obvious difference between tourists and locals only becomes apparent about this time of year. This isn’t an infallible system, but then what is? Still, there is a rational method for making judgments about this critical question. And in the giving spirit of the holiday season, I offer my observations to tourists and locals alike. Here is the secret: Just look at the way the person is dressed when the temperature dips below 75 degrees. That’s the giveaway. The clothes really do proclaim the man. Or woman.
When it’s below 75, locals bundle up in their light sweaters and heavy jeans. They wear boots and longsleeve shirts or blouses over t-shirts. If the thermometer plunges much below 69 degrees, they pull out those old turtlenecks and sport coats and leather jackets. To local residents, anything below 69 feels like an Arctic blast and offers them a good chance to enjoy the winter clothes at last. On the other hand, tourists wear shorts and bathing suits during these same times. They air out their white skin in those new sandals and tank tops and flowery shirts. To out-of-town visitors, anything above 50 degrees feels like tropical weather and offers them a good chance to enjoy the summer clothes again. And that is how you tell the tourists from the locals. One of life’s mysteries solved for you just like that, at no cost. Oh and one more tip: If they are wearing black socks with their sandals, they’re from Germany. Or some such place. Just don’t ask me how you can tell the tourists from the locals when the temperature is above 75 degrees. Darned if I can figure it out.
posted by LauderBLOGGER at 9:22 AM
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