Sept 29: Trashy Tale

I only wanted a nice day at the beach. What's wrong with that? Hmm? Tell me. Ok, sure, I am not your typical Fort Lauderdale beachgoer. If you want to know the truth, I'm just an ordinary plastic water bottle. I admit it. Yes, you heard me. I really am a talking plastic water bottle, all right? Get over it. But that doesn't mean I don't have feelings, ya know. Just because most people treat me like some worthless piece of junk after they've used me - hey, that's no reason I shouldn't be able to hang out for a day of sun and fun. Just like everyone else around South Florida. But, wow, on the Fort Lauderdale beach? Forget it! I mean, a guy like me doesn't stand a chance. That's what I want to tell you folks about. I want to let you know how Greater Fort Lauderdale treats me and my plastic buddies. Because ya know what? They deal with us as if we were ... well, trash, if you'll pardon the expression.

So here's what happened. It was a beautiful sunny Saturday on the beach last weekend. Some dude gets all hot after a swim in the ocean, twists off my top and swigs me down in one gulp. I couldn't dump my water into this guy's throat fast enough. Talk about a big thirst. Then what does he do? He tosses me on the sand, that's what.

Yesssssss! I'm free at last. When he finally leaves without putting me into the nearby waste can, I figure everything is cool. I can kick back, turn my label to the sunlight and soak up some relaxing rays all day long. This is exactly what I needed after spending the last two weeks stuck in some convenience store refrigerator. Do you know how cold it gets in there??! But no kidding, just when I start to feel myself really thawing out, just when I begin to get into that South Florida tropical thing, someone grabs me. Man, I don't think I even had a half hour to chillax. There was this bunch of teens carrying bags around the beach and one of them snagged me and a couple of my friends too. The twerp. Next thing I know, I'm in some recycling center somewhere - and you know what that means for me, right? Not good. So I'm just saying ... Is this any way to treat a guest? Huh? I'd heard lots of frightening stories about Greater Fort Lauderdale from my plastic friends: tales about their award-winning Blue Wave beaches and their morning beach cleanup crews and, yes, their marauding gangs of weekend do-gooders intent on keeping the beaches clean. Now I know it's all true. Life isn't pretty down here for an empty water bottle like me. Or for any piece of trash for that matter. I just hope that I get recycled as a peanut butter jar or something this time - no refrigeration! I might not ever enjoy a day at the beach but at least I won't freeze my nuts off.
(Photo courtesy of http://facebook.com/ftlauderdalesun)